It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
