I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
