Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize