I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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