we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He better not be in your backpack
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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