when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
