There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
