just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
