she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
