I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
wat bout pragnant strippers??
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
