Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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