WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Found the puke drawer
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
