we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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