now i know why i became what i already was.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
