I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
