Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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