I cannot find my penis.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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