Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
