You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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