Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
