I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
