Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
