she woke up with a sticky ear
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
