This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
