Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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