Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
