I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
