My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
