why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
