I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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