I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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