Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize