Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
