did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
third nipple confirmed
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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