it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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