I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
