M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
