I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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