I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
