Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
