my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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