We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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