i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
