I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
