i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
