wake up i wanna do it froggy style
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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