Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize