my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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