i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
