What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
