And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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