Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
