Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
