we have pet lesbian snakes
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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