She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
