I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
