i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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