i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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