my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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