just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Oh god it's open bar.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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