3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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