Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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