Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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