Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
