i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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