I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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