this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
