Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
