I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
