she smelled like a LAN party
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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