Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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