um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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