Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
