Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Sorry about my life...
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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