At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
this hospital has no fireball
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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