belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize