you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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