Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
