Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
no more duck duck goose at the bar
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
