I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize