Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
are you so shy because you have an std?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
