My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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