do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
