It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Randomize