You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
