Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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