Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
