I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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