Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
