I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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