I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
