i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
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