We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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