I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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