rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
